A Great Mother
Once, a mother shared, that she thinks twice before taking her 8-year-old son to a hotel, as he makes a mess of the place and dirties his clothes. I was surprised. Any normal child would be able to eat on his own without spilling by 3 years. Even the children of uneducated, less privileged and poor parents, who do not get the required attention and care, learn to be independent. What is the reason for this child who is the only son of educated, caring and protective parents, not independent?
Dr Maria Montessori in her book, “What you should know about your child” talks about a mother, who was appreciated by everyone as a great mother. She used to boast that she cared for her sons so much that she never allowed them to do any work. She would even give them a bath till they were 12 years old. But what she did not know was that her excessive care was destructing the development of her children.
Why do mothers not allow their children to do their own work? Why do they offer unnecessary help to the children? Many mothers in order to become great mothers and to “look good” do every work of their children. Some feel it is tiresome to clear up the mess. Others feel by the time their children finish a particular work they could complete all household work. All these mothers are unaware of the importance of helping children help themselves and the consequences of providing unnecessary help.
Let us look at the activity of eating. It involves a lot of movements including hand and eye coordination. Though it appears very trivial for adults, it is a big deal of achievement for children. Imagine a child trying to eat from his bowl with a spoon. Every time he takes the spoon to his mouth, the spoon reaches his chin or cheek. The food in the spoon spills all around. When a mother sees this she rushes to help him. She tries to snatch the spoon from him. The child protests by crying and tightening the grip on the spoon. If the mother allows him to eat on his own, he would soon gain more control over his movements and achieve the coordination required to eat without spilling independently.
On the contrary, if the child was not allowed to do a certain activity, at the right age, his control over movements will be delayed. There are some important periods in the child’s development called “Sensitive Periods”. The child learns some activities with more interest and less effort during these Sensitive Periods. Once a particularly sensitive period is lost he takes a long time to learn and needs to put more effort. Even if he learns, it will not be as perfect as learning during sensitive periods. So if the child is not allowed to eat by himself at an early age he will not get the required coordination later. Thus we will become responsible for him not having control over his movements and his inability in eating without spilling and dirtying his clothes.
Children have a great hunger for work, which is a mental hunger, superior to physical hunger. As adults without understanding their mental hunger, we end up either making work easy for them or doing work for them. As our physical hunger cannot be quenched by another person eating for us, a child’s mental hunger for work will not be quenched by our work. Therefore we need to allow the children to do the work and learn from their own work, mistakes and experiences. Such learning is essential for them to become complete human beings.
Thus, a Great Mother is the one who helps her children to learn on their own and at the same time being there with her children ready to clear up the mess they create. Let us be great mothers and make our children independent.